Thunder, condoms, elder statemen and other killers of Iniubong Umoren – Part 1
Celestine Mel
When a Nigerian says “thunder fire you”, he is figuratively expressing his disgust and frustration with something you have done that is offensive. He is involuntarily invoking the two legendary gods called Amadioha (Ibo) and Shango (Yoruba) to strike you dead. In times past, this was an abominably uncommon expression, unthinkable as a joke, let alone as a street lingo. But time and tide have frustratingly blunted the power of these legendary ferocious gods such that every Emeka, Kehinde and Udofia can invoke the curse at the drop of a hat with nothing in mind. Or so it seemed until two days ago.
Mourners, well-wishers, politicians, social media influencers, limelight-seekers, friends and family, who thronged Uruk Anam Local Government Area of Akwa Ibom State on Friday 14th May 2021 to attend the tearful funeral of the murdered Late Miss Iniubong Umoren, were physically fired by two powerful thunder claps that reverberated across the horizon. Eye-witnesses say that the community of Nung Ita Ikot Obio Enin Atai was physically shaken to its foundations. The gods were angry.
As if that was not enough, I watched the so-called press conference by the Nigerian Police in Uyo on the same day, where the confessed murderer of Late IniUbong – Uduak Frank Akpan – was showcased to the media, to dispel rumors of his death, with disgust. It was a horrible sad ,charade. Everything looked and sounded so gross and grotesque. The Police, the media and the suspects all looked like actors in a big grand cover-up to desecrate the saintly angry ghost of Iniubong in its determined vengeance mission. The swagger of the suspect, decked in a symbolic orange T-shirt, which tellingly had the following inscription: ”the mudder gang” was benumbing.
He sat astride the blue plastic chair like a conqueror, trying hard to regurgitate the lies that his masters and co-murderers schooled him to vomit: *“I tricked Iniubong to come for employment in a farm. When she came, I told her to have sex with me. She agreed but insisted I should use a condom. I reached out to bring the condom. She suddenly attacked me with a stabilizer. I started to bleed. I knew I was in danger. So I collected the stabilizer from her and hit her back. She died. And I buried her”*. End of story.
Such was the pungent and odoriferous pile of excreta that oozed from the mouth of the wicked heartless felon, who is established to be a downline agent of the sordid human parts consuming cartel in Uyo, and whose killing lair, complete with smelly shallow graves, bones and all, has already been copiously documented in technicolor by the BBC and other social media activists. Today, I am unmasking the killers of Iniubong Umoren.
Let us start from the University of Uyo where she struggled to acquire education to prepare for El Dorado. Iniubong enrolled in the 2015 academic session for a four-year degree course in Philosophy. If everything went as planned (as it does in all other countries except Nigeria), she should have graduated in 2019, mobilized for the mandatory one-year NYSC scheme same year, and started a career in 2020. Not in Nigeria. Not in the University of Uyo. Certainly not in the public University system – a familiar story among all of us who attended…Rather, lecturers’ strike, inherent normalized tardiness of the school administrators year-on-year, wickedness of the average lecturer who feels that by rendering the service that he is paid for, he is doing some form of favor to the student; in-built agelong inefficiency of the school system and the naturally occurring inherent evil within the education sector, prolonged the release of her excellent result (by an extra two years), This conspired to steal her life.
Instead of 2019, the school waited for her gruesome death in 2021 before publishing her excellent degree result, long after she was raped and killed. Her endless wait for the Senate of the University to approve her sterling result, forced her to turn to social media to scout for menial jobs out of boredom. That was her last move forever. She ended up in the ferocious lair of a venomous killing monster. She died gruesomely without her degree, after six years. Killed by the University of Uyo.
*(To be continued….)*
*****Celestine Mel is an externally displaced son of war-torn Essien Udim in Akwa Ibom State. He writes from the FCT – Abuja.
